Shift happens

My yoga instructor said "shift happens" this morning as I dangled on the edge of my left foot. She seemed so genuine in her statement that I tried really hard not to let my laughter escape my throat. But to no avail. If I was going to hold my posture I had to let it out. Then she turned to me and said-I kid you not-"see it's happening already." All I could think of was my son's new word for me. Apparently I'm a "yogaist." So then I had to really let it out...all that "shifting" led to an earth shattering realization. I can never, ever just giggle. I'm a laugherist.

What we watch

When I tried to disconnect my landline the other day, the sales rep tried instead to sell me on an all access bundle of 400 channels, ti-vo, on-demand cable shows...and on and on and on. Nevermind that I called to disconnect a phone line and informed the kindly woman that I don't watch tv. She was breaking a sweat informing me of all that could be mine for just $139 a month.

I currently have 55 channels that come through my aging hulk of a tv. It gets turned on at least 5 times a week. Most of it is lost on me. My son is into watching sports highlights but not such a big deal I tell the breathless saleswoman again. "Oh, no we don't actually watch tv," I say, as if it's some sort of muck sitting in the corner of my living room.

But in all of my highfallutin' talk of the silly tv and how it really exists to make the human race dumber by the generation (maybe even by the minute) I remember my secret. I start to stammer in response to the lady on the other end of the line I am desperately trying to disconnect. I feel guilty. I do watch tv. In fact, it's my vice, the one that keeps me out of trouble. Maybe it makes me dumber but no heartaches or jail time in connection with 30 minute bouts of CSPAN.

I'm watching Gretchen Peters now talk about her book, "Seeds of Terror." I'm not just watching, Im into this. It looks like she's in a New York coffeehouse. I love watching overwhought intellectuals talk about their books...

I like Charlie Rose, too. And Bill Moyers.

I kept my 55 channels and the phone line, too. I had to make pennance somehow!

Quotes for all time

I just received a fantastic gift, "Cheatnotes on Life: Lessons from the Classroom of Life!" by my dear friend Donna Pinto (she was Blaurock back when the book was published). Donna wrote the book, pulling quotes from famous folks and making up her own to speak to the new college graduate. I'm way past college graduation but I found the messages inspiring in many ways.

Reading through them brought back to the surface a long held memory of my friends and I pasting our own quotes on our college dorm doors. The one I can't shake -"That's not jelly, that's jam"- was usually said when a particularly fine male specimen walked into sight. "Jam" became code amongst us. I think I'll start using it again!

Fom Donn's work, the timelessness of Dr. Seuss is right on target:

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose."

I'm taking hold of the wheel now....

Been Awhile

I've been overwhelmed and undermotivated. I stepped off the wheel long enough to see how fast it was spinning. Now I've got a pace and am hitting my stride...thanks to all the Mamas who inspire me.

Turtle collection

You made it into my blog! Lots and lots of turtles.

Guidance

I wonder how easy it is to be faithful to something you cannot see, touch, smell. Wouldn't it be nice to have a hand to hold through it all?

Balance

I'm not sure how it all gets done. I'm trying to make it look effortless. But is it all just juggling and rearranging what gets put in the list? Is living on the list? I'll make a new one tomorrow....Have an adventure is number one.

If this is it

Little children laugh and play

What will you be doing all day?

I think I'll sit and sing a sad song
for life has gone on too long

Four generations deep
I wish I knew
What smells the wind carried you to sleep

Little children laugh and play
What will you be doing on your last day?

In depth

Without a word I know what's going on his is mind. He's thinking about his Dad. This mythical character that lives within the confines of his imagination. Being a solo parent isn't hard. Logistically challenging sometimes, but not hard. Except for these times when I ask him what he's thinking and he responds, "nothing." That's code for Dad. His first question this morning was whether I ever wanted to have kids. I was honest. "No, not until I had you." And for that I am all the better a person could ever want to be.

Poor Shel got it right

I read this poem by Shel Silverstein to my son last night:

Poor Angus

Oh what do you do, Poor Angus,
When hunger makes you cry?
"I fix myself an omelet, sir,
Of fluffy clouds and sky."

Oh what do you wear, Poor Angus,
When the winds blow down the hills?
"I sew myself a warm cloak, sir,
Of hope and daffodils."

Oh who do you love, Poor Angus,
When Catherine's left the moor?
"Ah, then, sir, then's the only time
I feel I'm really poor."

I was struck, literally in the heart, by what it really means to be hopeless. Not when the bills are due and the money isn't there. Not when the pressure from financial insecurity is so tight around your neck you may suffocate at any moment. No, none of that is at the core of who we are. It's the ones we love who are important. Poor Angus knows it. Shel did, too. I was reminded and gave my son and extra goodnite kiss.

My only man

So there comes that time when some solo moms start thinking about dating. then there's the actual dating, then the confusion sets in. This isn't anything like dating used to be! There are so many factors it boggles what is left of the mind that actually has room to contemplate such things.

What one son said to his mom: "But I want to be the only man in your life. If you had a boyfriend you might kiss him and hug him more than me."

Many kisses and hugs!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!

Oh, I feel so much better this morning than I did seven years ago when you came into the world. I'm a little more sure of things thanks to you. Happy Birthday sugar.

In a day

In less than a day he will be 7. It took so long for him to arrive and now it just goes by so quickly. Measured in days: 2,555 so far with him. So lucky indeed!

Without words

Say it like you mean it. What keeps a person from ding just that? I suppose that's why we buy cards, recite quotations, regurgitate stale monikers.

Give me something new.

Where kids can be kids

If you don't know about Kids for Peace yet check them out at: www.kidsforpeaceusa.org

They have a new book that I highly recommend, "Peace Through Our Eyes." What does peace mean to you?

Why boys pee on fires

I find my new career path is that of an anthropologist. Why boys pee on fire?

Any ideas? Men? A little help for the MAMA would be nice.

Live boldly

Someone died recently who made a tremendous impact on this community. He carved out his own job description and performed to the highest degree. His death made me think of how meek we are sometimes. How our existence is small. But it doesn't have to be. He lived boldly. It got him into plenty of trouble and everyone had an opinion of him. We thought enough of him to form an opinion.

I will miss him. An entire community will miss him. What an impact.

Time for love

Isn't everyday a god day to show your love? I appreciate the special St. Valentine's push as much as it serves as a reminder to us that we don't live in a vacuum. Humanity has texture. I like flowers for no reason. The kind that someone picks because they know I like the color or the type.

Little kisses big hugs and an "I love You" because it's Thursday.