What we watch

When I tried to disconnect my landline the other day, the sales rep tried instead to sell me on an all access bundle of 400 channels, ti-vo, on-demand cable shows...and on and on and on. Nevermind that I called to disconnect a phone line and informed the kindly woman that I don't watch tv. She was breaking a sweat informing me of all that could be mine for just $139 a month.

I currently have 55 channels that come through my aging hulk of a tv. It gets turned on at least 5 times a week. Most of it is lost on me. My son is into watching sports highlights but not such a big deal I tell the breathless saleswoman again. "Oh, no we don't actually watch tv," I say, as if it's some sort of muck sitting in the corner of my living room.

But in all of my highfallutin' talk of the silly tv and how it really exists to make the human race dumber by the generation (maybe even by the minute) I remember my secret. I start to stammer in response to the lady on the other end of the line I am desperately trying to disconnect. I feel guilty. I do watch tv. In fact, it's my vice, the one that keeps me out of trouble. Maybe it makes me dumber but no heartaches or jail time in connection with 30 minute bouts of CSPAN.

I'm watching Gretchen Peters now talk about her book, "Seeds of Terror." I'm not just watching, Im into this. It looks like she's in a New York coffeehouse. I love watching overwhought intellectuals talk about their books...

I like Charlie Rose, too. And Bill Moyers.

I kept my 55 channels and the phone line, too. I had to make pennance somehow!